There was two....

I went to my doctor's appointment yesterday. I love my OB GYN. She's amazing and makes me feel at ease. She delivered both  my boys and has been there with both my miscarriages. We had a follow-up to see that everything was good to go and after a 3 hour wait, I left her office feeling both happy and sad. I'm happy that everything is good with me and my miscarriage didn't damage my body in any way but I'm sad at her thoughts. We talked in great length about how I was physically feeling last pregnancy and dissected everything that happened. Without her knowing my genetic past she came up with the conclusion that I was pregnant with twins and lost them. My HCG levels were high, I was sick before I even knew I was pregnant (like really sick- couldn't sit on a rocking chair sick) and just the events of the miscarriage and how it unfolded. Then I told her that twins do run on my mom's side and that sealed her decision. She confidently said that I must have lost twins. 2 babies. I was just mourning the loss of 1. 2 never even came into question. I suppose it was a good thing at the time I didn't know, because I think it would have been twice as tough. I'm in a better place in my mind to handle this information but it still pains my heart. I've always wanted twins. I've always dreamt of having twins. I knew there was a possibility and I always joked that I wanted 4 children in 3 pregnancies. And to trick my husband into having 4 babies I would just have twins on my last try. The information is a little overwhelming for me.

I guess I won't know until I'm in heaven and I get to meet the little ones but until then I can dream of them. What they look like. Their personalities. What they were meant to be.