Spreading a little Christmas Cheer

Christmas time is usually a super busy time for me. I am a busy bee planning suppers for family, decorating my house to the MAX, making sure all my gifts purchased are just 'so', wrapped nicely, thoughtful, and yes.... even spoiling my own family just a little too much. I knew I wanted to make a difference, to change this mentality just a little. Now, I know there is nothing wrong with wanting everything perfect for my family. I think it shows just how much I really care about them. It is easy on the other-hand to forget how others are not so fortunate; that possibly Christmas time for them is not a season of joy. More a season of stress. Stress over how will I provide that Christmas meal that every family waits for. Stress over how to put presents under the tree. How do you explain to small children that Santa couldn't afford to come to their house? You can't. 

Cue Christmas Cheer.

Today I got to experience first hand the spirit of giving. I have always been a volunteer for various organizations but as life got busy with children, sadly my desire went down. That was until I found out about the amazing Christmas Cheer program in our community and just knew I had to do my part to help out. Hence, joining Kinette club, and now helping out with many other events to raise money to improve our community.

Let's just say I feel very blessed to be a part of making Christmas for 73 homes this year. Finding out just how little some people live on. Reading their stories about what they have been through and just what receiving a hamper and presents will do to improve their Christmas. The heartache that others go through; sharing their private information with us; trusting us that we will not judge- but that we are just there wanting to help. THAT'S CHRISTMAS. 

So after a month of preparation, organizing food drives, toy drives, getting sponsors from businesses and families donating their hard earned money to help out another; today was the day we got to see how all the hard work paid off- for 73 homes. 

I got to see our committee of about 8 women put on a truly amazing event. We round up our own families to help, got up early, and delivered all the food they needed to put on a turkey meal, make soup the next day and so much more. Every family received a large bag of essential toiletry items ranging from toilet paper, toothpaste, deodorant, laundry detergent (basically we tried to think of everything), even garbage tags and approximately $50.00 worth of toys for EACH child in that home. With help from so many, we made it happen.

And next year we will make it happen again. And the year after that. Because that's what we do. And as long as families need the extra help, I want to help. I want my own little family to help. I want my children to grow up helping. I want our community to continue on helping.

And the fact that it happens just so close to Christmas, well for me, that's just a perk.

The cutest little boy in class.

We got Jack's preschool pictures back and for all of you who are not on Facebook, I thought he was just too darn cute to not add here as well.

Now I don't want to brag or anything- but he could quite honestly be the cutest little boy around our neck of the woods.

Sick little kids

I love this time of year. I hate this time of year. I find myself repeating these two lines over and over again. I tried my best to quarantine the boys to escape them from the inevitable illnesses that they are bound to catch. My best efforts- did not work.

For the last week we have been battling fevers, ear infections, chest colds, coughing fits until they puke, weird rashes that have doctor's worried that I've been exposed to them, and asthma attacks.

 Lovely.
Just when one ailment leaves, another arrives. Sound like your home?

We have missed school, hockey, immunization appointments, visits with friends- but as long as we get this other with before Christmas I will be one happy Mamma.

Now I must leave to go rub some more Vicks on chests, check some more temperatures, and rest myself as now I am coming down with it :)

Scratching things off my bucket list

I remember making a post a while back about bucket lists. I have never had a desire to make a bucket list and do this myself except for this particular day when I started to see the purpose of these lists and why so many people create them for themselves.

Kelly would always ask me, what do you want to do in your life? I have never had an answer for him. What places would you like to see? What goals? And like my previous post, I had never really thought about it before.

As I'm getting older, and as my children are getting older, as I see people struggle, babies sick, friend's parents pass away- I am starting to realize just how short life CAN be.

So I searched deep down and realized some things that I would like to do. Things to do, while I can, while money allows it, while health allows- there are so many obstacles that can get in our way of doing things that we really want.

Bringing me to present day- when last week- I scratched my first item off my bucket list.

Garth Brooks in concert.

Seems like a pretty doable bucket list item for most. For me, it was a little harder. For starters Garth was only playing in Vegas and his last shows ended in November. Kelly's away season works into November. His tickets were also $250.00/piece. Now I know we can afford this, but you see, I come for a very frugal family and am having a hard time realizing that money sometimes is just money. Even if the ticket price is steep- sometimes it is worth it. And the largest obstacle- leaving my children. I have never left the boys longer than 1 night before and quite honestly didn't feel like I was ready just yet. I am kind of a protective mamma bear and I know they do just fine without me; I am more worried about how I do without them. My whole identity at the moment is wrapped up in those sticky faces.

So I pushed that all aside. Kelly and I left for 5 nights in Vegas and got totally wrapped up in each other again. Just the two of us. I never realized just how much we needed each other. Just how much we really get along. Just how perfect we are together.

Waiting for Garth to come on, our second last night there- I started welling up with tears. I was doing it! I wasn't just saying I was going to do it! And my supportive husband who really never had any desire to even go to Vegas let alone see Garth- was by my side- enjoying the experience together.

And can I just saw WOW. Garth had us on the edge of our seats, our hands folded together, singing, crying (ok just me) the entire 2 1/2 hours.

I will never forget this performance. It was not a concert. I will never experience that from him ever again. I feel lucky and so blessed that all the stars aligned- I got to scratch off my very first bucket list item.

And that the reality of doing something that I have always wanted, was just as good in reality and it was in my dreams.

A friendship that will last a lifetime

It's my good friend, Andie's birthday today.

Andie and I have been best friends since 11th grade. Our friendship started off a little rocky as her and I are just soooo different. I thought she was way too crazy for me and I'm sure she thought I was too much a prude. We got past that rocky start and were soon inseparable. We made sure to go to college together (I believe I filled OUT her college application for her). Since college we have gone our separate ways. She fulfilling the career world (your welcome Andie for kicking your butt into college ;) ) and me fulfilling the family world. Our worlds still couldn't be any more different, just like our friendship.

She has been there, even with her busy schedule, for all my important events. Babies, birthday's, baptisms. She is there. She is consistently the one person there.

She has taught me how to let go. How to have a little fun. How situations are only as awkward as you make them. And how to just be yourself.

There is no one in the world like Crazy Andie. And she will always be cherished.

Happy Birthday Andie! Just because we only get to see each other a couple times a year- doesn't make you any less important in our home :)

Love you.

Celebrating New Years Together

We 'maybe' giggle a lot when we are together!

She introduced Kelly and I together.

Ugly Christmas Sweater Party

Maid of Honor at my wedding

Typical Andie

Mama Mia

Limo Ride

Jaime's Wedding. Fighting for Bouquet

Goofing around on a snow day

Helping renovate our first home

Mexico Trip (sorry Andie- the best one I could find!)

Certainty

Ok I admit it. I am the type of person who can't just be told something once and believe without actual proof. Like my friend has said about me, "Alana, you are the girl who has to take 6 pregnancy tests to believe it". Which is true. Which I did. All 5 pregnancies.

So would believing that a little girl was inside my belly really ring true to me if someone just told me? I needed a little more certainty. A little more reassurance.

So many people have come up to me asking boy or girl, and when told girl, have proceeded to get into a story how this person was 'supposed' to have one gender and then had the opposite. Then my father-in-law saw all the pink blankets I was sewing and made an innocent joke- "pink! What if they are wrong!".

Me being the worrywart, got me worried and thinking, "what if they ARE wrong?". As if anxiety isn't at a high in pregnancy already- now I have to worry about this? Alana, stop over thinking it. A reputable radiologist, who told you that he has never been wrong, said he would be the most shocked guy if we had a boy. You think that would be enough. But it wasn't.

So last night, Kelly and I headed to the city for a little confirmation. He thinks I'm silly. He doesn't understand my anxiety. We got a gender determination ultrasound done from a lady who gives 100% confirmations.

And what were the results????

A GIRL. Which we knew. But know we KNOW. And now I can really buy :)

The desire for a girl was hiding in me probably out of protection of never really receiving it. Now that I know she's in there; I feel like I can take a deep breath. And enjoy her.

Totally worth the $125.00.

This is all the stuff I have gotten for my baby girl PRIOR to my 2nd confirmation. I've been holding back a little. Her nursery items are just about complete, and now clothes shopping can begin! As I told my husband when we found out she's a girl, "honey, this could get expensive" :)

girl stuff

Let's just say lately I have been a little busy. Baby girl in my belly has sunk in and I am in full gear planning, creating, making.....well everything pink. I've made her 3 blankets so far and just finished the most important one- 18 handmade appliquéd stars and 1 fuzzy moon all sewn onto vintage handkerchief white cotton, binded with the softest white flannel I could find. Pure Heaven; In my eyes. I have been dreaming of this quilt since I got pregnant- either boy or girl, this was going to be THE quilt. I have outgrown bedding sets and never used the blankets in them anyways so I have pieced together my own creation. Starting with this blanket, I then purchased a pottery barn white scalloped crib skirt with a trim of pink, and found a steal at the local Good Neighbour Store with an eyelet bumper pad and blanket for $2.50! I see beauty in all things; whether old, used, new.

I have a vision.

I also couldn't find a mobile that wasn't in my opinion 'ugly'. Ok, maybe ugly is a little harsh but I must say I have found 90% of my nursery items NOT in the nursery section. I am not a fan of the 'cutsie' bright little girl things and to find things that fit my dream- did prove to be a little difficult. This mobile will be made with a jewelled Christmas ball (silver) complete with a flower in the middle. It will gorgeous.

Soft pink and soft grey with white compliments. That's the vision. I printed off a nursery I liked off pinterest and hit the stores with one focus in mind. That vision. And boy, did I succeed.

I can't wait to put together this room of my dreams. This will be so fun.

The quilt I just finished for my baby girl. This picture does NOT do this quilt justice. One touch will make you fall in love with the softness. The hearts are different fabric textures. I made an edging with 4 large zig zags to create a stamped look.

This is the nursery that I am trying to recreate. I found that butterfly mobile that I will hang above my chair. So soft and feminine. 

Skating Practice

I am such a proud mom. So would skating/hockey practice with Jack be any different?

He's had 3 lessons so far. The first lesson I was proud because he was the only 3 year old not crying. He sat on the ice or crawled on his knees the entire 45 minutes. He never complained once that he knees were soaked and he was cold. He just kept trying. Bambi legged and all. Something to be proud of.

His second lesson, Grandma Val came to watch and help out with Charlie. Again, I was a proud mom. He improved a little and was even able to stand up without support on his own. He spent most of the time trying to find us and wave to us. He must love us that much and knew we would be watching him with love. Something to be proud of.

And then we had his third lesson. I went with the two boys on my own, lugging a hockey bag, diaper bag, 30 lb 19 month old and trying to hold Jack's hand- all at the same time- all while being 20 weeks pregnant. Exhausting to say the least. My heart was not in it that day as I was feeling nauseous and I was tired but I dragged my sorry butt there. And boy was I glad I did. Not only was Jack able to stand on the ice, he started walking without help and even skated a little!! MY BOY!!! It's amazing what a little bit of practice will do. Something to be proud of.

By no means is he the best one out there. Actually, I would be fibbing if I didn't say he was once of the worst- but he is one of the youngest. But that doesn't matter to me. His determination is what makes me proud. It's the fact that he TRIES. It's hard to see him fall but so wonderful to see him try to get right back up.

Yep, a proud rink Mom over here. I think I'm going to like this life :)

Halloween!

It's been awhile since I've posted because my laptop is still broken :(
I've been able to steal my husband's computer the last couple days so I will get caught up on what's been happening in our house hold!

Two little ghosts. That was my theme this year for the boys. I actually made 2 matching clown costumes because a little 3 year old wanted to be a clown a month ago. Then preschool happened and the 'ghost' talk and of course, he switched his mind. Charlie wants to be whatever Jack wants to be so a week before Halloween I was getting supplies to ghost them up.

Have I mentioned before that my little boys are TOTAL little boys? So would Halloween fun be any different? Who cares if it's cold, there was still candy to be had! It was so fun watching the boys run from house to house, Jack hiding in the trees trying to scare us, and yelling "trick or treat" to get their candy. I shutter at the thought of them being 6 and 8, and myself or Kelly having to still take them out- a couple hours probably won't be enough.

The best part of Halloween this year tho. The love of their Grandparents. They decided to dress up at home, drive 45 minutes in their costumes and come surprise the boys and help take them out. The expressions on my boys face were priceless. Shocked and scared Charlie wouldn't get near them and even Jack (who is friendly to everyone) was a little reserved in giving these two 'lookers' a hug. Laughs were had by all!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween! Kelly missed Halloween this year but he'll make up for it next year :)

These two scary people showed up unexpected!

Charlie the little Ghost.

Jack the little Ghost.

All ready to go out!

It's a .....

Can you believe it? Because I sure cannot! My whole life I always thought I would be a mamma to all boys. I gravitated towards the blue and trucks in the stores. And now this is all new!

We went shopping after we found out and only came out of the store with pink crib sheets. As of right now, I have no idea how to shop for a girl. But I'm sure it will come.

Finding out couldn't be more perfect. We walked into the radiologist right at our appointment, didn't even sit down, went straight into the room and within 2 minutes were told they were 100% certain it was a girl.

I am still shocked and haven't been able to eat anything all day. Give me a couple days, and I'm sure I'll be able to write something a little more significant. But as of right, I am digesting this information and trying to come up with a whole new plan for our family :)

There really is a lot to be thankful for...

I love Thanksgiving! Have I mentioned that before?

I love reflecting on all the good in my life, even if it's just for a weekend. We get so bogged down with daily things that sometimes I forget to just take a step back and take a good look at my life. I have nothing to complain about; what a blessing. All my needs are met. I seriously have the best kids in the world (it's amazing how every mommy thinks this- that's how good GOD is!), we have a great home that I take pride in and a loving marriage. And we have health. Hallelujah.

I love the turkey. I love the gatherings. I love the family pictures that are changing year to year; adding more kids, pregnant bellies, older children, and yes, even a few more wrinkles. I'll take it all.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends and family. My wish for you, is that life is just as good :)

Thanksgiving 2012. Jack 3, Charlie 1 1/2 years old, baby 16 weeks inside!

1st day of Preschool

Jack started his first day of preschool this morning. Now I could say "Where did the time go?" and "Why do kids grow up so fast?" but I've said this soooo many times before and quite honestly for some odd reason, for this HUGE milestone, both him and I were ready. No tears were shed. Just joy. And pride. I watched this little boy walk in with his head held high, not looking back.

He had enough excitement for play and learning and meeting new people; that he wasn't shy or scared.

And he had enough love to give me a kiss if front of everyone and made sure to say bye to both me and Charlie.

A true success.

Fall is in the air

Fall is in the air. It sure is. And I for one love it!

I love turning the furnace up in the morning and the warm air through the register. I love changing the sheets to flannel and climbing into bed at night. I love oven meals and the smell it leaves your house. I love hot coffee, hot tea, hot chocolate, hot chai tea- anything warm to fill my belly.

But most of all... I love fall decorating.

Yesterday was the day to clean up the yard, mow for hopefully the last time of the year, pull up all my dead flowers and decorate for fall and Halloween.

I didn't go all out this year as I knew I would have to take it all down in one months time. I turned to pinterest to find some new affordable ideas and I love the way it turned out. Jack helped me and had a lot of fun too. Who says decorating is only for girls?

I took a few pictures so I could remember next year, what held up and didn't hold up. We also have more Halloween decorations up and little orange pots with gourds and pumpkins in them sitting on each step.

I can't wait until our exterior is actually finished so there is a nice backdrop. I also can't wait until I no longer am pregnant, or have young babies so I can really go all out; but this will suffice for now :)

I made both of these yesterday. I bought little spiders and glued magnets to them and they just stick to our exterior door. I also made the spider web wreath by buying the cheapest frame I could find and spun a web with orange ribbon. Both projects cost less than $10.00!

Our pumpkin witch. I used an old wreath bought a $5.00 pumpkin and a $1.00 witch hat and stuck in an old pot.

With sharpie marker I just wrote "Welcome Friends" on the pumpkins and threw them in matching ceramic pots. 

I wasn't quite ready to pull up my palm trees yet so I decided to keep them and let Jack put small pumpkins and gourds in them both. He had so much fun with this project and would get so mad at Charlie for using the pumpkins as balls :)

We have a bat flying above our bushes, and Jack looks out at least every 10 minutes to see if it's still stuck. I promise, it's all he's talking about!

I'm also not ready to get rid of my Mother-In-Law's Tongue so we decided to keep it.

4 Years of Wedding Bliss

Tomorrow marks 4 years of marriage for Kelly and I. I sat down today thinking about what has all happened in 4 years, and to be honest, I got a headache. I mean, WOW!

These last 4 years feels more like a decade. Most likely because our lives have done a complete 180 the minute we said "I do".

- we finished renovating our house. We started when we got engaged but in these last 4 years we have been able to complete an overhaul on the upstairs and downstairs, ripped up our entire backyard and built 1 patio, 2 decks and all new sod, then came our exterior which is 90% complete.

- we changed career paths. Went from owning our own business, working for someone else, losing his job because of receivership, and then starting our own company again. We went from struggling for money to having enough that we don't have to stress.

- we sold our building that in my opinion, was just holding us back from life. It has given us freedom in more than 1 way.

- We have 2 children in our home, 1 in my belly, and 3 in heaven. We went from 0 children to essentially 6, which we will have for an eternity.

All I have to say, is with all this change, we have done it together- and quite smoothly I can proudly say. We compliment each other well. We work well as a team. And I think we made a wise choice in deciding each other for forever.

I know the next 4 years, can NOT be as eventful as the first 4 years. For that I am grateful. Our first years of marriage have been a whirlwind and it's been an adventure so far. My wish for the next 4 years is some stability. Some calmness. Some normality. And we will share in that together as well.

Our hearts are full. Our home is full. Our pockets are full (enough). Our cup is full. 

Life is good. Marriage is good.

Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed is the feeling of the day. It started with Jack biting Charlie's finger in the tub last night which immediately got him sent to bed early. He must have been out of sorts because he woke up every hour screaming for no reason- keeping myself and Kelly awake. Did I mention I need my sleep?

Charlie is teething again. He has popped 1 tooth and 1 molar over the last week and another molar is ready to come, causing him to be a little out of sorts as well (in all honesty, he does AMAZINGLY well so I don't really have to complain about him).

I am just tired. This pregnancy is kicking me in the arse. This busy season of Kelly's is kicking me while I'm down; and is it okay to just say "I need a break"?

I mean a real break. Not just grocery shopping by myself kind of break. Like a full day, get a massage, do some shopping, go out to eat, kind of break. I need to replenish, ME.

I love my children dearly. I do. I love having them close together too. But mommy just needs a time-out.

peaches

So what does one pregnant woman who has been having a hard time finding anything to eat lately do, when suddenly she gets a craving for peaches? She buys a case load at $25.00/case then needs to figure out what to do with them all!

6 qts of canned peaches, 3 peach pies, and 2 peach crumble pies later.... I am exhausted! But it will be GOOD!

Who is this child?

Who is this child sitting before me?

Jack has been quite a delight over these last few days. He is remembering his manners and saying "Thank You" and "Your Welcome" without having to be reminded. He is not fighting me on EVERY single detail of his life like, "go put on your gitchies" and "let's brush your teeth". He is actually cleaning up his toys quite well for a 3 year old which is leading me to believe that maybe one day I will have a life other than picking up after little boys. He is actually listening which was a task that proved to be very difficult just a short month ago.

What's changed? Me? Him? His age? Maturing? Am I yelling less? Yelling more? I just can't quite figure it all out.

He has come a long way from the little boy for the past 1 1/2 years who literally brought me to tears on a weekly basis because I felt like I was failing with him. He was always the worst listener at every play-date. I was always the frantic Mom wondering "where is Jack" every 1 minute because there has been crayon on other people's floors too many times to count. I was the Mom that was dragging her little toddler out of every fun activity he did because he was flailing himself on the ground, throwing a tantrum the size of Mount Rushmore. I was that Mom. That's why I felt like I was failing. A grown woman could not control a 2 year old.

I kept working at him. Tried different techniques. But always remembered that he needed me to love him through it all. And through all those efforts, I am starting to see it pay off. Thank the Lord.

I should have listened to all those Mom's who just gave me a sympathetic look and said "It's a phase, it will end." I guess I just didn't believe them. Their child wasn't acting like this, "could they know?" I was the one Mom that was going to have a tantrum throwing 15 year old too.

So to all those Mom's that are going through it with their first right now. Trust me. From a Mom who knows what you are going through; It is just a phase. They will grow out of it. Keep doing what you're doing.

Now I'm on round 2 with my second littlest child but I know I can breathe a little easier knowing that those words are true. If I stick to my guns, Charlie will grow up just fine too.

Jack pulling all his books off his shelves. He did this at least 3 times a day.

Had to watch him every second, or he was grabbing something. This time, an orange.

Dog Food Stealer.

This is when Jack got into my mascara, and was FURIOUS with me for taking it away!

This was a doozy. His friend and him got into finger paints and painted the carpet and every single toy.

and then there were 5

My Stick Family from WiddlyTinks.com

So we are expecting another little one! This first trimester has not gone by fast enough. I have felt horrible. I sure appreciated my pregnancies with Jack and Charlie after this time around. Before going on the max dosage of medication, I lived on ginger ale and soda crackers and my bed. I literally had a hard time getting out of bed. It felt like a bad stomach flu that just never went away. I actually thought I had the stomach flu a few times because how can one little baby cause that must havoc in my body? So there I laid, with ginger ale and soda crackers, and crumbs in my bed with my thermometer constantly checking because I had to have had a fever! This had to be the flu.  It wasn't. It was just this little baby causing havoc in my body. I think God wanting to ease my mind about miscarrying a little so he knew if he made me really sick, than that's all I would think about. And it worked. We've had 2 ultrasounds so far and everything looks just like it should! The doctor even heard the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler at 9 1/2 weeks- which I was shocked at. So far, we've got a strong little heartbeat. Music to a mother's ear! Jack is beyond excited that mommy has a baby in her tummy. He's such a caring little boy. He comes up and kisses and hugs my tummy all the time and sings to it. He is equally excited to get to share a room with Charlie and that the new baby gets Charlie's room. I wonder if Charlie is equally excited? I highly doubt it. He will be tougher to adjust. But he will. And so will we. I've dreamt of having a larger family and my dreams are continuously coming true. God is good.
So now you know why I haven't been writing so much. My mind has been occupied with the new little baby and just trying to take care of my family, all while feeling like death was knocking on my door. These last few days I've felt a lot better though and I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I've announced on facebook and pressing that 'post' button was really hard for me to do. My doctor encouraged me to share our good news though. I cannot live in the past and constant fear that things are not going to go well. This is a new baby, new pregnancy and we'll just have to wait and see how our life progresses.

Is summer over yet????

Is summer over yet???? Please don't hate me for saying this but the older I get the more I really dislike summer. My husband is gone most of the time, heat gives me sun-stroke so on really hot days (like the ones we have been having this summer) I have to stay inside... and so on and so forth. We never get to take holidays like most families and every year I just find myself waiting for fall to begin. Because I LOVE fall. It's no coincidence that my blogger main picture is fall leaves and that my wedding Anniversary is September 27th. I love the crisp autumn air. I love the food that's prepared; the soup, the casseroles- all the comfort foods that I have been craving in BBQ season. Then there is Thanksgiving which just so happens to be my 2nd favourite holiday, following Christmas. I love taking my boys for a walk in the evening, when there is a chill in the air and I bundle them up with sweaters and blankets. To me, Fall screams family and warmth and togetherness. So before you throw me under the bus for bashing summer just think of the turkey dinner we will all be enjoying in less than 2 short months. The cranberry jelly, the pumpkin pie and sitting around the dinner table discussing all we are thankful for.

Maybe someday I will enjoy the hot summer days, when the boys are old enough to lube themselves up with sunscreen and know to keep their hat on. Until then, I will look forward to the cooler days of fall.

25 things....

4 years ago there was this craze on facebook that people would write "25 things you didn't know about me". I did it and I came back to it the other day to see how my thoughts have changed and found it really interesting how I felt pre-babies and how things have changed in just a short 4 years ago.

I've re-posted my original 25 things about me, and then added my thoughts present day in red.

25 Things About Me

1.) My favorite music is not country, shocking I know, it’s gospel. I love the feeling I get when I listen to it and sing to it. I catch myself singing when music isn’t even on. I have a strong faith and wish I went to church more frequently. - I still to do this day love gospel music but if a country singer is singing the song, even better. I will also add 50's and 60's rock and roll music to the list. The boys and I listen to "rock n robin" after supper almost every day and have a dance party. There's nothing that gets us grooving more. Jack grabs the broom and 'strums' the guitar and Charlie needs to be in my arms while we twirl around. Good times.

2.) I wish I lived in a fantasy land and I miss my childhood; probably because everything seemed that much more magical when you actually BELIEVE in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy. I love parades and I love Disneyland. Although this seems like a good quality to have, it is probably the worst. My expectations are too high; my real life experiences are never as good as what was created in my head beforehand. I am working on this. My birthday doesn’t need balloons and games to make it good- I am just starting to realize this. - Thank god for kids. I am now able to live in my childhood and recreate traditions and hopes of Santa and the Tooth Fairy. I go to every parade (for the kids sake of course!) and I try to do birthdays in a big way. I don't care about my birthday any more but I spend months planning the boys. 

3.) Kelly truly is my best friend. I feel like I really only got to that point with him about 6 months ago. I’ve been saying for years that he was my best friend but maybe I was fooling myself. I love the relationship I have now. I feel truly blessed that I found someone to spend my life with who’s company I really do enjoy; not because I have to but because I want to. - 9 years together, married for 4. We still are best friends.

4.) I am terrified that I won’t find the patience I will need once the baby is born. I can get frazzled and overwhelmed; I need to find the calmness within. That is the main reason why I did not want to find out the sex of the baby. Normally I would NEED to know, but I really want to learn to just take it when it’s supposed to come. - It's amazing what you can do when you have to. Breastfeeding helped me with patience. Jack was an eater and from day 1, feedings took hours, and every couple hours. I had no choice but to sit, relax and do nothing. And now, I'm quite good at it ;)

5.) I know I am worth a lot more than what I am doing right now. It doesn’t scare me and I don’t think I am wasting time. I think the right path will just fall into place for me. - I have definitely found my calling as a Stay at Home Mom. I know I won't be doing this forever (I plan on getting back into it once they are in school full time) but for now I have no desires to be anywhere but at home, tending to my little ones.

6.) Having a “crash” and now living paycheck to paycheck was the best thing that could have happened to Kelly and I. We have learned the value of money and to truly appreciate the “lucky” breaks that God grants us. I am not ashamed- I feel like I am a better person and I think that this should happen to everyone at least once. How could I really appreciate all I had when that’s what I felt I DESERVED. You earn it, you don’t deserve it. - This one has been the biggest change for us. We went from living paycheck to paycheck to having a 4th great year finance wise and basically eliminating all our debt (student loans, car  loans) and now only have 8 years left on our mortgage even! It's amazing what even a year will do and some hard work and some risk, and some faith. 

7.) The thought of living without Kelly is truly the scariest thing for me. Although Kelly is healthier than me, I have a feeling deep down that I will outlive him. I am not sure how I could ever live without him. - I have never been so ill since I started having children. I had a horrible delivery with Jack, followed by a miscarriage, good pregnancy with Charlie, battles of mastitis, then threatened miscarriage, then miscarriage. So now, I'm not sure. I guess whoever goes first, the other will follow eventually! I don't care. As long as my children outlive me. That's a bigger fear now.

8.) I desperately want to adopt a child from a less fortunate country. I know it would be difficult, I know it would cost a lot of money- it’s just something I feel the need to do. - This is still a huge desire for me and kind of a sore spot in my marriage. Kelly is unsure and has other things on his mind, but this need just hasn't gone away. Maybe someday we can do this and give a deserving child a loving and safe home.

9.) I am too much like my father and not enough like my mother. Although my dad was the “successful” one, my mom is really the hero. - As I'm getting older I am becoming more like Mom. I like that. I've realized taking both their best qualities and molding it into one is definitely what I'm striving for.

10.) Family is the most important thing to me. I am so appreciative of the family I was born into, the family Kelly and I are creating, and the family I married in to. My blood family and my married family are completely different from each other. I need both in my life to make me as full of a person as I can be. I do not consider my closest friends as “friends”. They are family to me. - This is still true. My Mother-in-Law and I have gotten really close and it's due to her being so helpful with me and the kids. I know I always have her to lean on and she is willing and wanting to help me whenever needed. That is a must when trying to raise a family and manage a business.

11.) I hate to speak when everyone is listening. If someone else knows the story other than me, I get them to say it. I get overwhelmed, stutter my words and feel like a fool. I am much better one on one or with people I feel 100% comfortable with. - This will never change. I am more confident when I have my boys with me though. They give me must needed confidence at what I'm doing.

12.) On the flip side to 11, I did like public speaking in high school & college. Nervous as can be before I get up there, but once I’m up (and I feel like I am prepared), I like the control and respect I receive. - Same old.

13.) I really needed Andie in high school. More than she will ever know. My first impression of her was not a good one; but she turned into my family and will remain there forever. She brought spontaneity & laughter into my life. We are complete opposites and I believe that we need each other. - This one pains me a little. I think of Andie very dearly but we don't talk or get together near as much as we should. She is chasing the career world while I am chasing a 1 and 3 year old. Very different lives. But, she is the kind of friend that a year can go by without seeing each other and we pick up where we left off. She attends all the the milestones of my kids. She is a good friend and I am lucky to have her.

14.) I have very few GOOD friends. Each friend came into my life at a different time and for a different reason. I can count them on one hand- and that’s all I need. - I am much choosier now with friends than I have ever been. Mainly because I have less time to spend with them so when I do have time I choose wisely and surround myself with people who make me a better person, or who I can learn from. I am not wasting my time anymore. So freeing.

15.) For 17 years of my life, I was going to grow up to be a school teacher. 1 month before the deadline to enroll into University, I changed my mind. I had my reasons, and I still stick to them but the true reason I believe was if I did follow through, then I would never have met Kelly. And he was my destiny- not teaching. - I would still love to go back and get my education degree. A more realistic goal would probably be a teacher's aide certificate. I would settle for that. Less work, less marking, less responsibility. 

16.) Kelly and I killed our pet bird. We only had Oscar for like 2 weeks, didn’t like him much but still did not have any intentions of starving him to death. I felt awful, and still do. I have learned that birds “shell” their seed, so even if it looks like there is food in their bowl- it’s better to check. And if you hear them squawking in the middle of night- that’s a warning sign (they are not singing). -I'm amazed at how this still bothers me. I am NOT a killer. I hate hunting. I would have a serious issue if my husband decided to pick up this hobby.

17.) I can not remember much from my past. I have the worst memory & only really remember when I look back at pictures. Dementia or Alzheimer’s is a huge fear of mine. - Still a horrible memory. Hence, why I write everything down, am blogging to remember my thoughts, and take hundreds of pictures of the kids. I want to preserve my memories.

18.) I hold onto grudges. Not a trait I am proud of. Once someone has broken my trust, it is really hard for me to completely forget it. I am trying to work on this, because I do know the value of forgiveness. - I am still working on this. I am getting better. I truly believe now that forgiveness is for yourself, and not for the other person. 

19.) I feel the most productive doing “womanly” things. Cleaning my house, getting caught up on laundry, making a big old fashioned supper with dessert & knitting at night; those days are the ones that make me feel like I really accomplished something. - Still true, and I get A LOT more practice doing "womanly" things. So now, I like to exercise my mind as well and a mix between the two is just perfect.

20.) I used to help people, a lot more than I have lately. I will not tolerate bullying. Growing up, I was always the one to walk the girl home to prevent the stones that got thrown at her. I even had my own classroom at breaks and lunches to just listen to classmates who just needed someone who cared. My heart still longs to help but I am not in situations that allow me to; or maybe I am just not looking for them any more.  - It really bothered me that I didn't volunteer as an adult like I did as a child/teenager. So now, because I want to show my boys that giving back is important, I have joined the Kinettes. If there is something you don't like about yourself, then change it. And I did.

21.) I peed on 6 pregnancy tests before I actually believed I was pregnant. I paced up and down our hallway waiting for 2 minutes on each one. My life changed in that moment. - Every pregnancy I've had I've peed on at least 4 sticks. I guess I need reassurance. Man, I didn't know just how my life would change. All for the better.

22.) I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I believe in it for my own sanity; no other reason. - I believe something in between now. Sometimes I think bad things just happen and for no reason at all. And if you can find something you can learn in the situation then bonus. I think I changed my mind on this when a co-worker was telling me about her son that died. He was in an accident and she said it made her mad when people would say that it happened for a reason or it was his time. This did not give her any peace. It was a bad thing that happened and it sucked. End of story. I saw her point. 

23.) Although I desperately wanted to get married sooner than I did- I now realize that I was not ready & it happened when it was supposed to happen. Marriage changes your whole outlook on life. I was not mature enough for the responsibility that goes along with that. - I think of how much I have grown since I got married and it's ridiculous! I was a young pup; but definitely old enough to get married.

24.) I have an extreme soft spot for animals. I will cry harder over an animal dying in a movie than a human. The worst experience of my life was when I ran over Bailey’s leg with our Yukon. She turned out okay, but I panicked, cried and still feel guilty to this day. - Still a soft spot but children have changed this. I cry for babies and children. I always put myself in the same situation that the mother is in and it breaks my heart. I love animals but the love for your animals dramatically changes once children enter your life. The love is not the same.

25.) My grandma Clara is a true inspiration to me. There are many nights that I have cried myself to sleep, longing for her to know who I am again. I try to be strong about it, but it bothers me. She is my idol and I find myself just staring at old pictures of her, wishing I knew her when she was my age. I feel guilty for not getting to know & for not feeling that way about my mom’s mom. I can’t imagine how much it hurts her to know that I don’t really remember her & that I will never have memories of her, like I do of grandma Kading. - We lost Grandma 2 years ago in August. It was her time and the days following her death were filled of sorrow but celebration. I think of her often and try to live my life passing on some of the wonderful things that she brought into mine.



And that's it. How my 25 things have changed over the last 4 years. This was fun for me to go back and see. I'm glad I did this.