Oh dear. What has happened to me? After the funeral of my childhood classmate I got inspiration to create a Bucket List for myself and start scratching off the list and blogging about each experience. Sounded like a great idea. Grabbed my pen and paper, sat down at the kitchen table and was ready to start my list of all the things I want to do in my life. Then Charlie woke up from his nap and needed a snuggle. Then Jack woke up from his nap and needed to pee, then have a drink, and then needed a snack. So off to do that. Then what time is it? Crap, 4 pm- time to start thinking about supper.
The list can wait.
My life can wait.
My life has waited. The truth is. I have no idea what should even be on my Bucket List. I can't think of one thing. That realization scared me. I get that having children puts everything on hold. I haven't really thought about what I wanted since I got pregnant with Jack- almost 4 years ago. Either than wanting to have children. It's all been about my kids. But it goes even further than that. When you have an 'entrepreneur' as a husband and not really the same desires for career as him; that comes first. So we've been together 9 years. The last 9 years has really been focused on our relationship. I travelled to his home town for his hockey games to hang out with his friends the first couple years. After college, I moved to his farm home to help him with his business. And it goes on and on. Don't get me wrong- I don't regret one thing. I would do it all in a heartbeat because I have a wonderful life with a loving husband and kids who I adore; I probably wouldn't have all of that if I had spent the time to think about ME.
So here I come back to my empty piece of loose-leaf. Trying to take the time to think about the things that I want to experience. What will make my life the fullest? When I have to face death; will I be able to say I have done all the things I wanted to do? First, I have to figure out all the things I want to do.
But what I do know for sure, that right now....... I have to go snuggle my boys. Because they are definitely first on any list. I will make my bucket list. I will post it. And I will do it. But just not right in this moment.
So here I come back to my empty piece of loose-leaf. Trying to take the time to think about the things that I want to experience. What will make my life the fullest? When I have to face death; will I be able to say I have done all the things I wanted to do? First, I have to figure out all the things I want to do.
But what I do know for sure, that right now....... I have to go snuggle my boys. Because they are definitely first on any list. I will make my bucket list. I will post it. And I will do it. But just not right in this moment.
No comments:
Post a Comment